FIFA boss done over by Wikipedia

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RICHARD COOKE; July 21, 2010

South Africans find out the hard way that you can't believe everything on Wikipedia.

FIFA president Sepp Blatter had a mixed day on Monday. On the plus side, South Africa gave him one of its highest honours, the Order of the Companions of OR Tambo, for his contribution to the World Cup. On the downside, they made it out to ''Joseph Sepp Bellend Blatter'', including a middle name not on his birth certificate that British readers will recognise as a piece of anatomical slang. It wasn't really the South Africans' fault - someone in Britain (where ''Sepp Blatter'' is already a euphemism for penis) had rechristened him on Wikipedia to hammer home the point.

The word ''embarrassed'' was used in headlines, and once Sepp was given some kind of apology to go with his award, then the Wikipedia argument started again for a bit. The anti side says that Wikipedia is bad, because Sepp Blatter's middle name isn't a dirty word, and academics would never do something like that. The pro side says that this kind of vandalism is like wee in a public pool - unavoidable and ultimately inconsequential when compared with the greater good it provides. It's the price paid for letting kids swim.

I love Wikipedia not just for its triumphs (and there are many of those), but for its heroic, hilarious and occasionally woeful failures, its crazy paving and cul-de-sacs, its potholes, empty lots and condemned buildings. It also deserves credit for solving one of the great questions of human society: What are we to do with cranks? And what are cranks to do?

Crackpottery is to Wikipedia what self-interest is to capitalism - a human failing that, yolked in the right way, can turn ill into benefit for all. Before Wikipedia, what would we get from a film nerd or a punctuation nazi? A video store with a snooty manager, maybe, or a few nutty, typed letters to newspapers, if we were lucky. Now we can have lovingly written articles on Quentin Tarantino or the semicolon from people who don't get any loving. For the first time in history, history is being written by the losers.

There are now more than 3.3 million articles in the English Wikipedia, most of them good, many of them excellent. But the depth and finesse on particular topics shows much of the heavy lifting is being done by people with neckbeards. There's something called a ''wikigroan'', made famous by Stephen Colbert when he mockingly praised Wikipedians for ''producing a longer article on the lightsabre than the printing press''. Compare two articles, one on a piece of heavy-weight history, the other on an obscure piece of pop culture. The wikigroan is the sound you make comparing the detail in, say, ''Raphael (archangel)'' to ''Raphael (ninja turtle)''; ''Voltaire'' to ''Voltron''; ''Confucius'' to ''Yoda''. The editors' priorities are clear, and they're right next to a shelf of full of Star Wars collectables and dice with too many sides.

Not surprisingly, pitting these people against each other produces endless arguments. Sometimes they're over obvious points of disagreement such as ''climate change'' and ''Israel-Palestinian conflict'', but also often the most indolent scuffles are over things you've never heard of, obscure points of order that fulfil Henry Kissinger's line about argument being at its most vicious when the stakes are small. Is Chopin Polish? Is Freddie Mercury Iranian? People care more about these questions than you can possibly imagine. The engine of Wikipedia might be collaboration, but the petrol is endless nerd-offs between strangers who hate each other. That's where the rigour comes from.

If the odd bit of puerile fun slips through, or we know more about Yoda than we ever wanted to, the best argument for Wikipedia is still the alternative, or lack of it. There's just no way anyone can compete with nit-pickers high on energy drinks and enforced celibacy. Wikipedia co-founder Larry Sanger got tired of the arguments and left to form a rival, expert-edited encyclopedia called Citizendium in 2006 . Since that time, it's produced 141 articles. At the current rate, for the experts to beat out the cranks, they'll have to keep going for another 95,000 years.

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